Friday, May 7, 2010

Real and Raw

I am in a battle.... a battle of fear..... 
Fear of the unknown. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of not having enough faith. Fear of losing myself. For the last couple of weeks, I have been absolutely gripped by fear. I didn't even know what it was the first week, but I keep praying.............."God, what is wrong with me?"

I am so unsure of things I do and say. I am so unsure of everything in my life, and I feel like my life is totally out of control. That I am totally out of control. I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry all the time. Sadness just grips me and the tears just flow. My family is worried about my mental stability. I can't blame them.  My emotions are out of control. I feel out of control. I keep searching the scriptures for peace, reassurance, SOMETHING... and I can't connect with God.

I have never had this feeling before and I don't like it. I told my father, I feel that I am under attack from SATAN........ My dad advised me to begin to PRAISE God and have a heart and mind of GRATITUDE, that the Devil will not hang out with a grateful heart.  I began.....I even made "the list."  I do thank God for all of his blessing! I am blessed!So why can't I stop feeling this way?

 All I know to do is to keep asking..........

Lord, "Why am I fearful?"  "Why am I not at peace?"

and then listen...........

and believe.................

that He will hear me ...............................

So for today, I am being real and raw. Even us "Jesus Freaks" need intercession through prayer.

1 Timothy 2:1
"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone"

No comments:

Post a Comment

There was an error in this gadget