Thursday, May 20, 2010

Taming the Shrew..

God has been working on me. Thank the Lord! I have been praying for God to create a new me, a better version of me, a me that is pleasing to Him. Change is not easy, and it has never been something that I have been comfortable with doing my whole life.

But............ being transformed into this "new creation in Christ", is necessary if I am to be who God created me to be. We all need transforming from our former selves, our natural self. Some of us, me in particular, need a lot of grace in the process.

I have not always been easy to live with, ........really.  When God began to reveal myself to me, I had to face the fact that I had parts of me that were......... just plain...................... ugly.

I have had to face some pretty serious mess in me........ mess I don't want to admit........ BUT mess that needs to be dealt with. OK, big breath.......... I like to be in control. I can be very demanding of others. I can be self-absorbed. I can be whiny. I can be selfish. I can be opinionated. I can pout. And, I am sure God is going to continue to reveal myself to me, little by little.

You see, God has been revealing myself to me slowly for over a year now. He has transformed the , and He is still working on me in other areas.... little by little.

This journey has been very hard. Looking inside ourselves is never easy.............OKAY, it has been down right PAINFUL, but necessary for growth.  These verses speak to me.

1 Peter 1:5-7 (Amplified Bible) "5Who are being guarded (garrisoned) by God's power through [your] faith [till you fully inherit that [a]final] salvation that is ready to be revealed [for you] in the last time. 6[You should] be exceedingly glad on this account, though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials and suffer temptations, 7So that [the genuineness] of your faith may be tested, [your faith] which is infinitely more precious than the perishable gold which is tested and purified by fire. [This proving of your faith is intended] to redound to [your] praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) is revealed.

James 1:2-3 "Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. 3. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience."




I have been praying for some specific things. One is that God would reveal myself to me so that I may be changed into who I am to be in Christ. Another prayer I have had involves, letting go of past hurts, failures, and disappointments, and giving God glory in the places He is taking me. I pray for the strength to endure this time of revelation, because it isn't without shame, guilt, anger, and sorrow.  I so much want to blame others for the pain in my life. And the devil was having a hay-day with that one. God said to forgive. God said to love. God said to show mercy and grace. God paid the ultimate price to show us it can be done. He sent his beloved son to die for our wretched souls (love), and forgave us from our sins, by the blood of Jesus on the cross (forgiveness), while we were yet sinners (mercy and grace).

Let me say that I have fought this HARD.............. real submission. As unto Christ. I have been in a pit of Hell of my own making and I finally got fed up with it. I got tired of feeling sorry for myself, dwelling only on my needs and wants, and claiming to be Christ-like in the process. Real submission for me is the hardest thing to ever do. But, GOD laid it on my heart like this........ Robyn, you need to die to yourself everyday. Do not do what you think and feel, but do what I say. Submit to me, totally.... and I will give you peace!

And ya know what............... I finally GOT IT. It is not about what others are doing for me. It is not about how others are making me feel. It is not about ME. It is about dying to self, and thinking of someone, anyone, other than myself for the first time in a very, very long time.

Can you imagine living with the "old me?" God help my family: my husband, my son, my parents, and the others who have had to live with..................me. I have hidden behind the label of "sexually abused" for too long. I am not a victim unless I chose that role............... and I don't like myself in that role. That role is not pleasing to God.

My personal favorite verse says:  1 Timothy 1:7    "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."

I have been "feeling" the change coming, but I have been fighting to totally let go. God has no doubt transformed me. And I pray He continues to do so throughout my whole life.

Truly, my BIGGEST fear is not being in obedience to God. When I confessed this fear to Him...... the anointing came. PEACE. God knows my desires. God knows my hidden desires too. God knows me intimately. I can't hide from Him. Thank God for his grace.... I need grace. (we all do)  I need to extend God's mercy and grace to others, just like He did for me.

okay...
God can heal, change and restore. He has done that within me. My sins have been hidden, even from me. I thank God for showing me myself. I told my dad the other day that I didn't want "this journey" to end, until I knew 100% that my change had "stuck".... you know what I mean. I wanted the changes in me, not to be superfical or temporary, but everlasting. I never want to be that selfish, self-centered, victim, ever again.

The only way I know how to keep this new life, this "new me" from reverting back to the "old me" is to stay in God's word. Spend time in meditation and prayer daily. And thank God daily for His blessings.

To my family, especially my husband. I pray God will soften your heart to see and trust that this "new me" is for real. I could not be the wife, mother and friend; you needed until God did some serious surgery in me. I am not perfect, nor complete in my transformation......... this newness is just beginning. This is a God thing. And He is the only one who can truly complete it! AMEN

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I found the answer!!!

Never give up! I refuse to give up my power (through Christ) my love (through Christ) and my mind (through Christ)!!!


" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. "2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)


I have had this verse on my heart for weeks, and even noted it a few weeks ago. Beth Moore has spoken and written about it. Joyce Meyers has preached on it. This verse was IN MY FACE for months. Ya think God had something to do with it? I DO! But did I see the miracle of God's blessing that was placed there for me for months.......   NO!  I would pray, "Oh Lord, speak to me..." and then I wait........ and whine........ and doubt......... and become fearful.....

I truly believe Satan attacks us where we are trying to get better in our lives, because he does not want us to overcome any adversity within us....... He wants to oppress us and keep us living in fear. Focusing only on ourselves and our circumstances.

But............ You see God had placed 2 Timothy 1:7 in my path and HE had hidden those words in my heart, so that when the RIGHT time came for me to truly KNOW the truth behind the words.... Those words were there!!! Glory, Glory!!!

First I had to realize I was being attacked! Next, I had to begin to earnestly seek God through prayer, meditating on His Word, and faith. Was God putting my faith into practice? Was this to GROW me closer to HIM so that when I actually "PUT IT ALL TOGETHER" I would know where my PEACE came from............. Not from me!!! But from HIM!
 
"Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand." Proverbs 19:21 (Amplified Bible)

Wow, amazing isn't it! The light bulb went off in my head and I said to myself......... Well Robyn, God had already given you the POWER you needed. The power to love, and be of sound-mind. And Satan tried to defeat this in you, But PRAISE GOD, that HIS WORDS WERE PLACED IN YOUR PATH (by God) so that when you needed them (at the exact moment God wanted to reveal them to you) They were right there! and there was no denying that they came FROM GOD! A gift to you.

I have the power to rebuke and defeat Satan because Christ works through me. I AM POWERFUL because I am HIS child.

"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. "Ephesians 3:19 (NLT)

Because of Christ's LOVE, I have the same POWER within me.
I already know Satan's fate (it ain't good)!  HE will NOT defeat me. I claim this in the name of Jesus Christ!
I speak 2 Timothy 1:7 aloud to myself:  "Robyn, God has not given you a spirit of fear, no little girl, HE has given you power, love and a sound mind. Thank you, Lord God for that truth and your blessing."

I also know that many of you have been praying for me, and KNOW THIS, those prayers are so felt. It takes believers edifying and encouraging and praying for each other to really make a difference. KNOW that you have helped make a difference in my life and I thank you!

Monday, May 10, 2010

God's Power in Us

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."    2 Timothy 1:7(AMP) 

My last post sounded so grim. Being gripped with fear will do that to you. It will suck the life right out of you..... it did me.

Getting past a place of fear seems to be a life long journey for me. I will forever be battling something, we all do if you are living and breathing on this earth. So for the last few days I have been silent before God. I needed to clear my mind. I needed to just be still.
I have driven around in my car without listening to music (I listen to K-LOV). I have not read one book. I have given up in my "doing" and have just been waiting patiently on the Lord. Silently waiting.

I know God's Word says that when we don't know what to pray,  that the Holy Spirit interceeds on our behave.

Romans 8:26 (AMP)  "So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance."

So I am trusting that the Holy Spirit knows my desires and exactly what God's will is for my life and therefore is pleading to my Heavenly Father on my behalf. I am just beginning to really ........"get it."

Be still and know.............. I am God. Psalms 46:10





Friday, May 7, 2010

Real and Raw

I am in a battle.... a battle of fear..... 
Fear of the unknown. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of not having enough faith. Fear of losing myself. For the last couple of weeks, I have been absolutely gripped by fear. I didn't even know what it was the first week, but I keep praying.............."God, what is wrong with me?"

I am so unsure of things I do and say. I am so unsure of everything in my life, and I feel like my life is totally out of control. That I am totally out of control. I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry all the time. Sadness just grips me and the tears just flow. My family is worried about my mental stability. I can't blame them.  My emotions are out of control. I feel out of control. I keep searching the scriptures for peace, reassurance, SOMETHING... and I can't connect with God.

I have never had this feeling before and I don't like it. I told my father, I feel that I am under attack from SATAN........ My dad advised me to begin to PRAISE God and have a heart and mind of GRATITUDE, that the Devil will not hang out with a grateful heart.  I began.....I even made "the list."  I do thank God for all of his blessing! I am blessed!So why can't I stop feeling this way?

 All I know to do is to keep asking..........

Lord, "Why am I fearful?"  "Why am I not at peace?"

and then listen...........

and believe.................

that He will hear me ...............................

So for today, I am being real and raw. Even us "Jesus Freaks" need intercession through prayer.

1 Timothy 2:1
"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone"

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

My next life........

I am living for my eternity.........NOW. This life is just a passing that leads to true LIFE eternal. I am ready for that LIFE. To truly begin to LIVE and be FREE. To forever feel LOVED and CHERISHED. I want to see my MASTER and climb up in His arms and let HIM hold and craddle me. I know how safe I feel when I am with my earthly father, I can't imagine how COMFORTED I will feel with my LORD.

Psalms 71:20-21 "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.  You will increase my honor and comfort me once again."

God HEALS, God REDEEMS, God LOVES. God is the ANSWER.

SHARE GOD'S LOVE WITH OTHERS...................... this world needs love.


Before the Morning

Josh Wilson - Before the Morning
From the album Life is Not A Snapshot

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now

Maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you'll see you'll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
And You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Come on you've gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
Before the morning

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