Breathe...

Sometimes it is good just to breathe.... Take in all your blessings and look at life with a new perspective. Sometimes it takes a death, sometimes a life, sometimes a break-up, sometimes a job change....but sometimes it is just as simple as life gets overwhelming.... and in the mess of it.... you struggle for air.

There are times I have found myself holding my breath.... and I didn't even know it. Perhaps I was suffocating more than I ever knew it. Life pressing down on me for so long that before I even realized it.... I was barely breathing at all.

Like a fish out of water, gasping for air.............

I thank God for those in my life who have been my life line. Holding my head above water, or rescuing me, when I didn't have the strength on my own.

Venom

I did it. I spewed forth venom.

I ranted. I raved. I stomped my feet. I accused. I defiled. I blamed.

Some times we all just need to BLOW, but the problem with that is I blew up at someone else. Whether I felt justified or not in slaying this dragon, I am never quite happy with myself when I become the accuser.

and

That, my friends, is what I did. I felt hurt by a friend. I felt neglected, taken advantage of and instead of being an ADULT, I attacked. I don't like being attacked, but more than that,

 I DO NOT LIKE MYSELF AFTER I ATTACK.

Well, done.....perfect little Christian. (sarcasm).

To say that this friendship will be healed is presumptuous at this point. But whether or not that happens, I have to live with my actions and my reactions, ask forgiveness, and see what the future holds.

No one likes to be on the receiving end of spewed venom.... I know, because I have been on that end before as well. But regardless of which end you are on..... it's never cool.

Out of the DARKNESS.

I struggle with the dark.

Literally, darkness makes me uncomfortable.

I don't like what I can't see. Nighttime makes me uneasy. Predators hunt under the cover of darkness.... sneaking, stalking, preying on the weak. 

And........ yet ............ I have dark areas of my life... sin.

I like to hide "my darkness" from others. I want to be seen only in the light. Hidden from the judgment of the "better thans" the, "you shoulds", the "perfect people".....

I am not comfortable being issued a sentence of hell and damnation for my sins from a fellow sinner. Aren't we all sinners..

Romans 3:23 ...

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

I was once that Perfect Polly. (sarcasm)
                                       Casting my Godly views on the weak, the unclean, the fallen.... I helped to reap coals on their heads, throwing stones at their already bruised and broken bodies. 

but......... then............everything changed. Someone I loved dearly, fell.
And fell hard into that dark place. That hidden place, that place of shame....loss.....destruction.
............and for the life of me I could not condemn them. I could not cast my piercing darts of fire and brimstone upon them.  I found the one thing that I should have had towards all mankind throughout my whole life........mercy and grace.

1 Timothy 1:15

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. "

Darkness wants to engulf us. The evil one lurks to pounce on those who are weak....and we all have weaknesses. We need a Protector, a Rescuer, ...............a Savior. Who offers HOPE when we fall, grace when we fail, and mercy to heal our brokenness.

To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. C.S.Lewis