Wednesday, December 5, 2012
You know is it me or is it the newest going thing. Find a new home, a new car, a new job, oh and a new spouse.
I know I'm in a minority when I've been married for over twenty years. Marriage use to be sacred. Special. Something to be proud of. Two different people who committed their lives to live together and form a family.
Everywhere I turn I hear of who is getting a divorce or who is now separating.
Lets be honest. I've been in the same place myself. Should I stay or should I go. But in reality one simple word is the cause of all this. I. It is not about I. What I want, but what is best for my spouse. If we could just take ourself out of the equation them I believe more marriages would last.
It isn't about your needs, wants and desires. That is not at all what love is about. Love is giving, not receiving. It is about the other person. Self removed.
Has my marriage been easy? NO!
But I am a stick to my commitment kinda gal. I looked outside my own hurts and disappointments in life and realized that
1. I'm not in the least bit perfect
2. I made my marriage commitment unto God.
3. I've looked inside my own failures and had to ask... If I need God's forgiveness. Why don't I see that my spouse does as well.
4. My child is more important than my own wants, bitterness, hurt, blame and anger.
5. One sin is not greater than another
6. I need grace and mercy, and so does my spouse.
7. For better or worse.
8. I can stand behind my own beliefs and feel better about myself and my decisions.
9. Pornography is real and easily accessible. That is reality. Learn how to defend against it invading your heart and those you love before it becomes an addiction.
10. Love one another.
I'm not on my high horse, uncaring, and certainly not saying anyone in an abusive relationship should stay. I'm saying until we become proactive, Church, we can expect more and greater numbers of divorces happening to those we love.
Marriage is a good thing. It is not an easy thing. I'm concerned where our children's generation is headed. I'm concerned that lives are torn apart.
I am all for restoration in broken relationship. It can work. I know. It can be better than you ever imagined. It is possible. But one person must decide to take a stand.
You want to stand? I'm here. You are not alone. Never have been if you know Christ. He is the answer. He will either restore your marriage, or restore your soul.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Lisa C. Myers is a fellow blogger that has a wonderful website with encouraging books, biblical truths, information on standing, and other useful resources. Check out her story here and then click on the link to go to her website: Forever Marriage Ministries
Monday, December 3, 2012
Ten years pass by and we decide to build a new home, our dream home. And almost six months to the day we broke ground, January 17, 2009, my life changed. On a clear, cold winter morning, I woke up at 4:30am and I knew what I needed to do. I went outside and retrieved his cell phone. I sat there looking at all the erased messages, erased phone calls, erased history of searches, and at 5:30am a new message came through. It had only two words, “Good Morning.” It was from a woman I did not know. And at that moment, everything began to make sense, the distance between us, arguing over every little issue, working at the house until two in the morning, not answering my phone calls.
Bruised, broken, devastated and lost are the only words that could describe how I felt. Not only had I lost my husband, I had lost my best friend. I was angry for a short second, but revenge never overtook me. I was in a state of shock. We separated and tried counseling, but my husband’s heart was closed to me. I remember telling him, “Snap out of it.” He became even more bitter, mean and narcissistic. Mid life crisis some call it, but I felt he was truly in a battle for his very soul.
I begged God, I prayed, I wept, and I stood. And while I stood for my marriage, God changed me. I guess I thought at first, that my husband was the one who needed to change. He sinned. I didn’t look at my own contributing behaviors or attitudes. But, as I read God’s word, I began to see myself, my own sin, my own heart and it was just as impure as his. “Secret sin.” Not visible on the outside, but harbored deep within our hearts.
I would have loved for this fairy tale story to have had a quick and stress free ending. But it took three and a half years, three separations, three churches twenty-four hour prayer watch, two counselors, two homes, and many nights on my knees, and one broken man for our marriage to begin a turn towards restoration. And now, five years since that devastating text message, our marriage is better than either of us could have ever imagined. Not because we fixed it, but because of the mercy and grace poured out to us from our loving heavenly father.
Standing for marriage is not easy. I could not have done it without a strong faith, wonderful Christian parents, a body of believers that prayed unceasing, and many other people that crossed my path with words of encouragement.
I'm not without sin, are any of us?
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I began this blog at the beginning of a devastating time in my marriage.
God is good and faithful to those who believe.
I believe in marriage. I believe it is a commitment unto God, not man.
I prayed, I wrote, I cried, I fasted, I begged, I gave up, I was broken....
But I never stopped believing.
God answers prayers.
Our marriage today is nothing like our marriage of before... Before God took us through fire, refined us, and created in us a new heart.
My story will never end... My story of a marriage saved, just began.
Praise His Holy Name!
I'm leaving this blog behind... And beginning new elsewhere. Not sure where, not sure what, but God.changed me (CHanGE) my original title of my blog.
I'm a better person, a better wife, a better friend, and a growing faithful lover of my Lord Jesus Christ.
Thank you for your comments, your support, your prayers.
God bless you, God bless each husband and wife...
Believe in change.... But let it begin in you.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
I am a beat yourself up kinda girl. Always been. Even though I have really worked on this relentlessly... It still remains.
Satan tells me.... "You aren't GOOD enough."
I am the least perfect person in my own eyes. I don't need others to judge me, I do plenty of that for myself. I don't need my faults revealed, believe me.... They haunt me every single day.
I grew up in a very conservative Southern Baptist home. My father was a pastor. My mother was the picture perfect preacher's wife...and I was the rebellious child. Perfect sterotype. Epic failure. And I was reminded of how "Unchristian" my behavior reflected upon my father's ministry.... Often.
This reminder of what I should be, and how I'm NOT what I'm suppose to be... Seemed to be always playing in the back of my mind. It didn't help add to the fact that I was in search of acceptance and love.
I have played many parts in my adult life searching for love and acceptance. Roles that were defined by my upbringing.
Are we who we think we are? I'm I who I am, or who I'm trying to be?
I've come to realize.... I'm never going to be perfect, perhaps always far from it, but my imperfections don't define me. Satan wants me to feel beat down, unworthy, lacking... Those feelings and thoughts are not of Christ. The Holy Spirit is not trying to convict me of my sins by pointing a finger at me, scowling in disgust...
That is not what Christ's love is about. If the greatest command to us as Christians is to love.... those judgmental, disapproving, accusing traits are contrary to everything I believe about Jesus Christ, Mercy and Grace.
Did becoming saved place a covering over only the Christian's sins.... And not the sins of the world.
I am 46 years old. I have had a very warped view of what being saved by grace is all about...if it means, my sins define me.
Satan wants me to live in an oppressed state. To feel less deserving, less worthy, less loved if I sin. Reminding me over and over of my failures.... my ROLE...
I'm a sinner, saved by GRACE!
I love Jesus. I know my Savior and we have a real relationship. Do you know how I know our relationship is real, even when I fail?.....
The BIBLE tells me so.
Satan uses many strategies to turn us away from Christ... in the end... He loses. End of story.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Literally, darkness makes me uncomfortable.
I don't like what I can't see. Nighttime makes me uneasy. Predators hunt under the cover of darkness.... sneaking, stalking, preying on the weak.
And........ yet ............ I have dark areas of my life... sin.
I like to hide "my darkness" from others. I want to be seen only in the light. Hidden from the judgment of the "better thans" the, "you shoulds", the "perfect people".....
I am not comfortable being issued a sentence of hell and damnation for my sins from a fellow sinner. Aren't we all sinners..
I was once that Perfect Polly. (sarcasm)
Casting my Godly views on the weak, the unclean, the fallen.... I helped to reap coals on their heads, throwing stones at their already bruised and broken bodies.
And fell hard into that dark place. That hidden place, that place of shame....loss.....destruction.
............and for the life of me I could not condemn them. I could not cast my piercing darts of fire and brimstone upon them. I found the one thing that I should have had towards all mankind throughout my whole life........mercy and grace.
1 Timothy 1:15
Darkness wants to engulf us. The evil one lurks to pounce on those who are weak....and we all have weaknesses. We need a Protector, a Rescuer, ...............a Savior. Who offers HOPE when we fall, grace when we fail, and mercy to heal our brokenness.
Monday, March 26, 2012
I have been in the worse place of my life, and at the same time, felt more loved than I had ever known before.
During these trials, dissapointments..... time of pure saddness, Christ arose in me. Reminded me that I am HIS, have always been HIS, even when I was the one thrown aside......and even in my deepest despair.
Yesterday, I walked outside to the most glorious day. I looked out across the lake and saw the sun glistening off the water and I exhaled.
At that moment, God spoke to me. "Well done, my good and faithful servant, You don't have to fear anymore, this is your blessing. Just drink it in!"
We are living in the house we all built, I am married to the same man I first fell in love with 28 years ago, and we are all still a family............. but mostly ..............I have PEACE, JOY, and PRAISE.We made it. Our marriage made it. Our family made it. Now, I can breathe.
It may only last a day, or it may last forever, but for now........... I know it's time to LIVE ...every single day! Breathing in God's goodness.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Monday, March 5, 2012
.Ever feel fragile? Breakable.....
I feel vunerable, unsure, alone, confused, angry, depressed, insignificant...
More times than I'd like to ever admit.
Broken trust can do that. Leave a deep crevasse of doubt, insecurity.
I'm not healed...not even close, but closer than I was ....
Time can heal all wounds they say...but time moves slowly when the wounds are deep and scars remain.
Praise Him in the storm...one song I listen to reminds me...
Because through them, I am not the same.... Never the same...
But a survivor..... A warrior....
And when I stand before the Lord God Almighty.... I will hear Him say..
Well done.... My good and faithful servant. Well done.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
My family dynamics have changed over the last year... Empty nest has a whole new meaning.
My son is away in college. My house is quiet. Our meals are simplier...cereal is an easy one to fix...
I've struggled this year... During this transition...
Lost in the unfamiliar.....
With lots of time on my hands to think about those changes...and to be honest.... I've not done as well as I wish I had...at this point.
Change.... I do not do it well.
But, I'm trying.
Trying to find my place....finding my purpose...my self.
Sometimes we hold onto the old because it is comfortable.....familiar....and secure...
But there will be times in our lives that we are forced to change direction......and in those times.....we experience growing pains.
I think we will all go through times of major life changes.
Births, deaths, kids leaving home, marriage stresses, personal battles..and such.
It's in these times we are pulled to and fro that in the midst of the caios we find who we are as an individual...what we stand for, who we depend on, who we really ARE.
I'm learning to be comfortable with my new life...my new role, my new purpose.
I know the plans I have for you..... Jeremiah 29:11.
So glad I have a Savior to lead me there....
Thursday, February 9, 2012
A NEED- A SICKNESS- A PERSON- A BURDEN
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”
Psalm 46:10 (NLT)
This phrase was given to me more as a challenge than as a question.
"Without a shadow of a doubt...... without hesitation..... without having to even think about it................what do you know."
"Not, what do you think, or what do you feel...... but what do you KNOW."
Here is what I DO KNOW......... My reality is relative to me and me alone. What someone else perceives as reality for me, is merely a projection of their own reality.....thus... my own perceptions are in fact - only my reality.
in other words...........
Real knowing comes through the one who created us, loves us, saves us, KNOWS us...
The only thing I KNOW is Jesus.
I know He is the way to KNOWING.....
There are times I may feel like I know something.............but in reality, I really do not know.... anything.
Go to the one who KNOWS it all. Jesus.
You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive
my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue You know it
completely, O Lord.
You hem me in- behind and before;
You have laid Your hand before me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and
wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I
was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths
of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in
Your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139: 1-6, 13-16