I am a beat yourself up kinda girl. Always been. Even though I have really worked on this relentlessly... It still remains.
Satan tells me.... "You aren't GOOD enough."
I am the least perfect person in my own eyes. I don't need others to judge me, I do plenty of that for myself. I don't need my faults revealed, believe me.... They haunt me every single day.
I grew up in a very conservative Southern Baptist home. My father was a pastor. My mother was the picture perfect preacher's wife...and I was the rebellious child. Perfect sterotype. Epic failure. And I was reminded of how "Unchristian" my behavior reflected upon my father's ministry.... Often.
This reminder of what I should be, and how I'm NOT what I'm suppose to be... Seemed to be always playing in the back of my mind. It didn't help add to the fact that I was in search of acceptance and love.
I have played many parts in my adult life searching for love and acceptance. Roles that were defined by my upbringing.
Are we who we think we are? I'm I who I am, or who I'm trying to be?
I've come to realize.... I'm never going to be perfect, perhaps always far from it, but my imperfections don't define me. Satan wants me to feel beat down, unworthy, lacking... Those feelings and thoughts are not of Christ. The Holy Spirit is not trying to convict me of my sins by pointing a finger at me, scowling in disgust...
That is not what Christ's love is about. If the greatest command to us as Christians is to love.... those judgmental, disapproving, accusing traits are contrary to everything I believe about Jesus Christ, Mercy and Grace.
Did becoming saved place a covering over only the Christian's sins.... And not the sins of the world.
I am 46 years old. I have had a very warped view of what being saved by grace is all about...if it means, my sins define me.
Satan wants me to live in an oppressed state. To feel less deserving, less worthy, less loved if I sin. Reminding me over and over of my failures.... my ROLE...
I'm a sinner, saved by GRACE!
I love Jesus. I know my Savior and we have a real relationship. Do you know how I know our relationship is real, even when I fail?.....
The BIBLE tells me so.
Satan uses many strategies to turn us away from Christ... in the end... He loses. End of story.