Mental Breakdown

It happens to the best of us. I've    been there. On the verge of a total loss of your sanity. There are no words, no way to describe it.
I have awaken feeling like I'm having a heart attack. Shaking uncontrollably. Begging for the pain to just STOP.  I have dug my fingers into my own flesh to feel something other than the overwhelming feeling of pain.
Depression, panic attacks, anxiety are all very real feelings, experiences that plague a greater number of people than we can even imagine.
I would beg God for relief. Take me home. Release me.....
I have heard many people, even those within the church say horrific things about people having a mental breakdown. Lord help them that they never experience a time in their life when life here on this earth just becomes to much to bear.
Jesus knew that our journey here on earth would be filled with such pain and that is why grace, mercy and love is poured out on man from our Heavenly Father.
No matter what your circumstances, no matter the turmoil within, know this.... You are not alone.
Going through an unbelievable pain in my life, thinking I could handle anything if I would just pray harder, believe and have stronger faith, is impossible. I don't have that strength. With medication and the support of those who knew what I was going through, I came out on the other side.... But, I had support. I had tremendous support. And I had Christ.  It took weeks for the shaking to stop. It months for the anxiety to subside. It took time. It took prayer.
Those who know me casually would be shocked, because as one lady told me, "you got it all together.."  Little did she know.
I'm writing today for two reasons. I want to share my story so others will not feel alone, because love, many walk this journey with you. And second, I want others to know.... There IS another side... Even when you can't see it or even believe you will ever reach it.
Hang on... Have hope, let those who love you help you, and let Christ carry you....i know you are so tired...know he has the strength...
An old lady once told me years ago.... "Honey, everyone has issues..."
You are not alone.
Jeremiah 29:11 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
For I know the plans that I  have for have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

Trash in, trash out

My mother always said to us growing up, "trash in, trash out."  I never paid much attention to those words as a child, but I never forgot then either.

Somewhere around my early twenties the things my mother said when I was growing up would creep back into my mind.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Training a child in the world today may seem harder, but what about the children of Israel. The Bible is full of rebellion... Followers turning away from God.  Do our children today have more pressures on them because of the media, the cultural norms, the internet?

David himself was rebellious. Jonah ran from his task....even Moses questioned God's request.

Sin has been present ever since Adam and Eve. And sin will remain present even today.

But... Even though these great men of God failed, they also became great. Just as we can become great in our time. The call is still being preached.... Go out and tell the good news...

"He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation." Mark 16:15

It is my charge to tell the good news of Jesus. Share with others his saving grace and mercy... And teach his Holy Word.....

But, I need to begin at home.

5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 16:5-7

Can I TESTIFY?

1 Corinthians 13

 "¹ Suppose I speak in the languages of human beings and of angels. If I don't have love, I am only a loud gong or a noisy cymbal. ² Suppose I have the gift of prophecy. Suppose I can understand all the secret things of God and know everything about him. And suppose I have enough faith to move mountains. If I don't have love, I am nothing at all. ³ Suppose I give everything I have to poor people. And suppose I give my body to be burned. If I don't have love, I get nothing at all. "

 

When I first fell in love, it was not real. Don't get me wrong.! I loved my husband, but I had no concept of what love really was. I had an idea of love.... well, I had the world's version. You know, the white knight in shinning armor, the super-star athlete, the "top gun" pilot.... the world's warped version of Prince Charming. But here was the best part....... I got to play the princess.  But how long do you think that fairy tale lasted?

 

........not long....

 

 "⁴ Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others."

 

I have learned a thing or two about patience. But, apparently God had a better lesson He wanted me to learn...

 

Kindness, I have pages and pages of my own thoughts and experiences on kindness........... but the only thing I know for certain is this...... it comes only through the love of God.

 

It doesn't want what belongs to others.... not someone's wealth, lifestyle, kids, career, or their husband or wife.

 

 "It does not brag. It is not proud. ⁵ It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs.

 ⁶ Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. ⁷ It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up.

 ⁸ Love never fails. But prophecy will pass away. Speaking in languages that had not been known before will end. And knowledge will pass away.

 ⁹ What we know now is not complete. What we prophesy now is not perfect. ¹⁰ But when what is perfect comes, the things that are not perfect will pass away.

"

 

During the course of our marriage, there have been times I have been boastful, proud and rude.... well, less than perfect. Did it mean I didn't love my husband? Did it mean I was a hateful wife? No, it meant I didn't have the kind of love that was needed . Love that only comes through Christ Jesus.

 

Why didn't I have this love from the get go???

 

 ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I had the understanding of a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Even though I thought I knew love, God was going to let me experience real love...... even when it didn't feel like LOVE at all.

 

 

¹² Now we see only a dim likeness of things. It is as if we were seeing them in a mirror. But someday we will see clearly. We will see face to face. What I know now is not complete. But someday I will know completely, just as God knows me completely.

 

And so the lesson began. It has been the hardest, the most heart wrenching experience I have ever endured, and I WOULD NOT TAKE BACK A DAY OF IT!.....because I am just skimming the surface of real love .... of who is love........of my Saviour, my everything....... my Jesus.

 

The last verse was cross-stiched for us as a wedding gift..... what a beautiful testimony we have to share of love. 

 

 ¹³ The three most important things to have are faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love.

 

Michael and Robyn Buxton

Joined together in Christ

On this 2nd day of August, 1986

Pathways

In life we have many paths. If we choose them on our own....then we will pay the price of our journey alone.  If we let God direct our path...we will never travel alone.

It may not be an easy road, but in the long run...it will be a journey worth taking. ~ Robyn

The Road not Taken

Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;

though as for that, the passing there

had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --

I took the one less travelled by,

and that has made all the difference

MATTHEW 7:13

"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it." (NASB)

the firefly broke his jar

the firefly broke his jar

Now What?

Ever had a season in your life where you question everything you thought was real and true? That is where I am. Seems like I have been in the "twilight zone" for so long.....

Now what?

I'm searching the Word for the answers, but they aren't coming...

Now what?

I am in such a time of displacement.....

Now what?

I know enough about my Lord to know..

In the seeking...... comes the obedience, the comfort, the still small voice....

Now what???

I'm believing that God has the answer.....

But the waiting.... longing to hear Him.....it is the hardest part....

Maybe my question should not be, now what??? But What Lord???

If you're in this season, know you're not alone.

I'm with you.... more importantly God is with you....

1 John 2:3 We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. 4. Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. 5 But if anyone obeys his word, love for God[ a] is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.

a letter to you tonight

As always, Serena has enlighted and inspired me. I thank God for the people that have come into my life that have lifted me up through encouraging words! Be blessed today!

a letter to you tonight

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) - Sanctus Real