Monday, June 28, 2010

FoReBOdiNg!

31 For no one is abandoned
by the Lord forever....
32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
33 For he does not enjoy hurting people
or causing them sorrow. Lamentations 3:31-33

I must confess, I have been in a deep depression.  (see disclaimer at end of post)

I have not felt God's presence, His peace, or His love..........
and I have cried rivers.  The only word I know to describe what I have felt is this....


FOREBODING
Defined as: A sense of impending evil or misfortune.

I could not shake it..... If this is SPIRITUAL WARFARE .......... it is like you are dying inside........with NO HOPE in sight! This is HELL on earth!

Now, I love the LORD with all my heart. I am saved and I KNOW IT!
so then what was / is going on with me?

All, I know is this.......

I felt TOTALLY and UTTERLY ALONE and GRIEVED.
I cried.  I yelled.  I begged. I just didn't feel GOD's peace, love and comfort.

WHY?
Where are you, Lord?
What is happening to me?

no answer....
foreboding....

I was going to absolutely break.........
my heart ached..........the tears fell.........

Throughout this time, I prayed....a lot.
I searched the Bible and spoke scriptures aloud. I talked to God. And I became very ANGRY!
 I knew that He had allowed me to fall into this PIT of despair.
BUT WHY???
6. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7

 
This was my prayer......
"Lord God..., FATHER..., my ONLY hope, please don't leave me to MYSELF!
PLEASE rescue me!!!! I am under attack and I am fighting for my life. HELP ME! Send your Angels to surround me and protect me......wrap me in your love. Take this pain from me.
FIGHT FOR ME!
FILL ME!
LOVE ME!!!

SLOWLY..........a little peace emerged.
(photo taken off back porch...during my devotional time) notice the heart???
I believe the WORD of GOD is alive.
I read the bible everyday, sometimes many times a day and I am able to draw strength from God's Word.
But.... during this time of FOREBODING..... I could not feel a thing.

The only thing I know is that I COULD NOT GIVE UP! I began searching for scriptures that had spoken to me before this time.
I spoke these scriptures out loud. I recalled the verses that I had hid in my heart and said them over and over again.............
"God you said...." insert verses" and so I know this is true."

I thank GOD for the hours of reading and learning the scriptures.

ever so slowly.........
a small calm came over my turbulent heart and soul.
(taken a few days later) see my Angel....

THESE ARE THE VERSES I SPOKE:

35. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.   Hebrews 10:35-36

1. I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. 3. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
Psalms 40:1-3

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  Proverbs 31:25

My comfort in my suffering is this:  Your promise preserves my life.  Psalms 119:50

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  Hebrewa 12:7

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. Hebrews 12:10

So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22



For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.  2 Timothy 1:7

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Luke 12:7

And my personal favorite:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2   

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I share these verses because speaking God's word, meditating and reading the Word, I truly believe is the answer! Be confident that GOD will fulfil his plan for you.  I have to KNOW this and believe it!
IS THIS TIME OF FOREBODING OVER? Well....... it is easing....and that is a blessing.
So, why do I share this.................... because I KNOW my SAVIOR is the ONLY HOPE. The only true comforter. The only true love.  If I weren't saved by HIS GRACE.... I don't know that I would ever make it out of THIS.

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DISCLAIMER:  (wink, wink)
I KNOW that a sense of graditude and thankfulness (see the verse below) help combat times when we begin to feel  "down on life" but Dear Friend, THIS was not THATBelieve me, I am greatful and thankful for all the blessings in my life. I thank GOD daily, but again, THIS was not THAT.

Proverbs 15:15  (Amp): "All the days of the desponding afflicted are made evil (by anxious thoughts and foreboding), but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast (regardless of circumstances).
see... I even know the verse. :)

2 comments:

  1. Hi Robyn,
    I just wanted to tell you I am and have had you in my prayers daily for a few months now. I do understand the fearful sense of foreboding you speak of. When you do God's will, Satan comes after you twice as determined as before, but Christ will prevail. Hang in there, you're in my prayers!
    God bless
    Jim

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  2. Jim,

    Thank for your comment and prayers. Doing Gods will means that our life won't be a bed of roses, I know that first hand. I know this time, this passing, this torment is for a reason... as a child of the king, Satan will go to any measures to defeat us.

    I believe God's word.... thus I know this too shall pass..
    There is a reason, a test of sorts that I recognize is a time of growth in me.

    I need to forgive myself for my failures, lay them at his feet and just walk away.

    God bless you!!!

    Robyn

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